Welcome back to Having Killer Conversations. The best conversations about faith happen between friends, not pastors or professionals. I'm still learning how to have them, and my goal is to get really good at it in Orange County, for the sake of the gospel. So I share what's working, in the hope it helps you too.
I've been watching the World Cup this past week, like most of the planet. At the end of one of the games, Zlatan, one of the commentators, dropped a line:
"Winners have answers. Losers have excuses."
As a sports line, I love it. And there's a version of it that lands for Christians too. We shouldn't have excuses for what we believe or how we live. If following Jesus is true, it deserves better than a "because the Bible says so" or "that's how I was raised."
But it doesn't fit conversations about faith
A soccer match needs a winner and a loser. A friendship doesn't. If you're trying to win a conversation about God, your friend can only lose. And nobody opens up to someone who's keeping score.
Answers are cheap now
Answers aren't scarce anymore. Anyone with a phone can ask AI how a good God could allow suffering and get a thorough answer in ten seconds. Finding answers is not the hard part today.
The hard part is finding someone you trust to explore the question with you. Someone honest enough to keep an open mind. Someone who isn't selling anything.
And we can all smell a pitch now. Politicians, advertisers, algorithms: everyone wants something from us. The moment a hard question about God turns into a presentation, your friend stops hearing your answer and starts watching for the close. People aren't starving for information. They're starving for a friend who will explore life-changing ideas with them, no agenda attached.
Three moves for the hard question
So when the hard question comes and you don't have the answer memorized, that's okay. Try this instead:
1. Say “I don’t know.”
Out loud, without flinching. It's not a defeat. It's the sound of someone who isn't selling.
2. Say "let's look at it together."
Not "let me get back to you with the answer." That makes you the salesman again. Invite them into the search, shoulder to shoulder.
3. Actually come back.
Sit with the question that week, doubts included. Then share what you found and what you're still working out. Letting a friend watch you think beats handing them a conclusion.
It's how Jesus handled questions. He answered them with better questions. He wasn't keeping score, and he didn't come to make winners and losers out of people. He walked alongside them toward the truth and loved them the whole way. So yes, do the homework. No excuses. But hold your answers the way a friend does, not the way a salesman does.
One thing to try this week
Ask a friend, "If you could ask God any question, what would you want to know?" If they land on something you can't answer, write it down in front of them and say, "Let's see if we can find the answer this week."
Ask yourself
Who trusts you enough to bring you their hardest question? And when they do, will they find a scoreboard or a friend?
